puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
