I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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