u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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