Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
