Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
