You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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