I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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