I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
zippers are such a cool invention
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
