I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
