I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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