The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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