I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
