gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
