No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
