CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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