whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
