the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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