hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
