I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
