somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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