the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
