he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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