why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
