The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
