Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
