Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
