If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
