I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So squirting runs in the family.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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