if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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