There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Randomize
