Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
