thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
