It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
