You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just want to make out with him forever
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
