so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
