If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
