I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
