Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
