the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
