the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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