My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
