i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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