This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Houston, we have a blender
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
