You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
