"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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