I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
