Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i think my tv is drunk
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
