about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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