That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
