I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
