Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
