dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize