I need to stop coming to work sober
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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