can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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