Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
