I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
