You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
