Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
