just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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