Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
