You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
