I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
