Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
