I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
