i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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