Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize