Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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