Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
