he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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