and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize