Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
