Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
