Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
