oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Randomize
