The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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