I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
