Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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