im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
