Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Girls should come with a carfax report
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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