I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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