Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
why do cheetos always look like penises
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Randomize
