last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
