Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
