u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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