Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
