Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
