4 words: hood of his car
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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