are you still at the devil's house?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
