Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize