Cold hands, warm shart.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
