I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
