shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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