is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
