did you get engaged???
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
