I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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