Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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