Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
