new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
