She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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