I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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