I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The air taste purple.
Randomize
