Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
