i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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