....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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