Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
