I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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