ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
