i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
