If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
